Toby is a singer and songwriter who performed with Remodels and the Jans Project
You know, one of the reasons he was so great, was because he didn’t think of himself as great. He was a person who completely understood and got his energy from his musical gifts and didn’t have any ego about it. He would feel the joy and the pain in what he was creating, and for him it was just a momentary thing. Like, ‘I’ve got to get this out of my soul, get this off my chest, get it outta my head.’ But if somebody else came around, and pinned him down like no, let’s pursue this, then he would guilelessly, like a kid, follow and want to know if you found some truth, some connection in what he did. He was always looking to heal, always looking to understand.
First time I ever saw Nick in person was when Blown performed at Cicero’s. I only briefly met him in person but he was already a mythical figure to me. Nick was a towering figure in the lives of the Steves — Steve Scariano and Steve Carosello. Especially so at this time since Steve C was trying to get Nick to collaborate with him in his band the Love Experts. All of Nick’s advance billing, the huge build up of expectations, it was all correct, absolutely—as a guitarist and as a songwriter. One of the things that didn’t come up as much though, was his voice, what a great singer he was. Jesus, he was a great singer. His material, his words, his feelings, his thoughts—he could convey it all, but if you broke it down, he was just an amazing singer.
We were at Adam Schmitt’s to record our Jans Project duet on High Noon and we were out in that garage and it was deathly cold out there! Deathly! Adam had set up the mics so that Nick and I were face to face across from one another. And it was soooo cold, we had to drink whiskey, in order to sing. Everybody else is in the control booth in another part of the house, and we had the very best time. We did take after take and you know, a few shots, and we just had the best time singing. Acting out the parts. I was blown away by how his vocal just kept improving. Every take, more nuance, more brilliance. What a high that was.
And he was just constantly creating, always propelling forward. Never got over being asked to write words for Nick’s songs. “Give me some words…” It just blew me away. Clearly, Nick never needed help with words for his music. He compulsively created both of those things daily. So why did he ask me for words? Hell if I know! He’d heard some songs and demos I did with others, so he knew I could write. Guess he liked them. But was that all it took for him to farm out work he did masterfully by himself? I had no clue, and sure wasn’t going to ask lest it broke the voodoo spell. I knew at the time it was an honor to write with him. Only upon his death did I learn it was a rare honor. Considering how easily and quickly these songs came about, I wonder why he didn’t collaborate more often.
Being able to sit in those practices at Jeff’s basement, it was a non-stop history of rock and roll. I remember during the middle of a rehearsal down in Jeff’s basement I asked Nick about his vacation to San Francisco. And we spent the next half hour talking about the homeless situation in San Francisco. It got very very heavy. The story of his trip was how the homeless had broken his heart. And I remember those songs that we were all working on, where the political angle went deeper. There was a fire to it, a meaning, and I felt it completely. I’d make myself hoarse singing those songs. It felt like a privilege. An exorcism.
“Walking” is such a beautiful song. It was so simple, about him walking home from work to the house he and Gina shared on Oregon Street. Pure, unadulterated joy and love. We were all so happy that Gina appeared and helped return him to being a creative artist again pushing his songs out into the world. And so he had these songs about the simplicity and power, the everyday, of how love inspires you. He also dipped into the other side of his being: social justice, crimes against people, the political. Like a good Libra. The personal, love and rebirth, and the outside world, where it’s as horrible as it can fucking be, and I’m going to speak out about it.